Merry F'n Christmas
by BloodxFirexWater
Summary: Songfic: X-Mas In Hell by Sixx: A.M. Takes place during "The Boiling Rock" arc. Katara finds Zuko's diary and reads his first entry. Darkfic.


**A/N: Avatar: The Last Airbender (c) Mike and Bryan. X-Mas In Hell (c) Sixx: A.M./Nikki Sixx. P.S. - You should read Nikki's book, "The Heroin Diaries", because it will change the way you veiw life. P.P.S. - Does anyone else think that at one point in his life Zuko did drugs? I do. He always struck me as the type of person who would. *shrugs*  
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><p>Katara stretched and yawned as she walked through bedroom hallway. Sokka and Zuko had left for two days to go fishing, and frankly, Katara was happy to be rid of them both.<p>

Zuko being gone was the better loss though, because she still didn't trust him. She hated him for what he did to her, and swore to herself she would never trust him again. Letting her guard down around him only led to suffering.

She passed by his room, but something caught her eye. Something was sticking out of his rucksack, and it perked Katara's interest. Not caring that she was being a snitch, she walked into the prince's room and sat down on the floor, opening his rucksack.

What she pulled out surprised her. It was a thick book, and it looked fancy. The bookmarker was a symbol tassel one, and was a deep crimson red. Opening the book from the back, all she saw were blank pages. Intrigued, she flipped to the front.

Her eyebrows furrowed as she recognized Zuko's handwriting. Being a prince and all, his hand writing was a beautiful cursive style, and it looked like something a famous author would write like. She began to read, hoping she would learn something about the banished prince of the fire nation.

_**December 25**__**th**__**, 2002 My Bedroom - Ship**_

_**Merry Christmas. Well that's what people say at Christmas right? Except for normally they have somebody to say it to. They have friends and family. And they haven't been locked inside their room crouched on in the corner, with a needle in their arm like an insane person on a ship headed to God knows where.**_

Katara gasped and almost dropped the book. She had found Zuko's diary, and by the date, it was old. Her and Sokka had found Aang in 2005, so this was dated three years prior. Lost in the prince's world, she kept reading.

_**They're not out of their minds. Their not writing in a diary, and their definitely not watching their holiday spirit coagulate in a spoon. I didn't speak to a single person today. I thought, why should I ruin their fucking Christmas? I've started a new diary and this time I have a few new reasons.**_

The young water bender thought about what she just read. One thing she figured out was that Zuko had been doing drugs. She sighed sadly. "No wonder he's so unstable." she muttered. Before continuing, she briefly wondered if he still did them.

_**One I have no friends left. Two so I can read back and remember what I did the day before. And three , so if I die, at least I leave a nice little suicide note of my life. It's just me and you diary. Welcome to my fucking life.**_

Her eyes widened, in shock and sorrow. She had never felt such emotion come out a written paragraph. And so far, his writing was poetic, like a song. From what she had gathered, something awful must have happened to him to cause him to write such things.

_**Nobody would believe the shit that happens inside my head. It's haunted. Now I've come down from the drugs , it seems like a sick play, that I saw in a theater somewhere. Thirty minutes ago I could have killed somebody, or better yet, myself.**_

That was the end of that day's entry. Katara was shaken up, especially about the last line. "Thirty minutes ago I could have killed somebody, or better yet, myself." She closed the book, putting it back in his rucksack.

She got up, and walked back to her room in a daze. Falling onto her bed, she undid her hair, letting it fall over her face. She felt absolutely depressed, like she had no strength left. Even though they were from the distant past, Zuko's twisted words haunted her.

"Why…why would you want to end your life?" she muttered into the sheets. She grabbed her pillow, and bit into it to hide her angry scream. "That idiot…" she muttered. Katara sat up, hugging her knees against her chest. She had never read anything like what he had written.

"What did you mean by the thoughts in your head?" she whispered. "It's haunted," those two words kept replaying her head over and over again. She promised herself she would ask him. She sighed and shook her head. "No, then he'll know I read it."

She argued with herself over what she would do when he returned. Finally, she decided the best thing to do would be to have a therapy session with him. It would take some coaxing, but she was positive that as long as it would help him, it was worth it.

Weather it was for the benefit of saving the world, or the feeling that he wouldn't try to harm himself again, Katara felt that healing the torment of emotions raging inside the hot-headed fire bender would be the best thing for the both of them.


End file.
